Cheers and Jeers: TuesdayJuly 26, 2022
Sarah Hogg writes:
We need to ensure the safety of pregnant people who seek abortion care, as well as the sustainability of the already dwindling number of medical professionals who perform abortions.
Not only will state legislatures move to ban abortion, but we can also expect them to chip away at agencies that provide comprehensive sex education, sexual and reproductive health care, transportation and any other support for pregnant people who don’t want to be. But we can help ensure that more people get the health care they need. On the ground, health care providers have already been creative, resourceful, and adaptive. We can make sure these clinics stay up and running.
You can see the list of providers here at the Act Blue donation link. Thanks for helping out. Now, in keeping with the GOP’s vision for America, we return you to our regularly-scheduled thatched hut repair and chamber pot emptying-related program activities.
And now, our feature presentation…
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, July 26, 2022
Note: When wandering in the woods remember: “Leaves of three…rub it all over from head to knee.” You can trust me—I’m an Eagle Scout.
By the Numbers:
Days ’til the midterm elections: 105
Days ’til the Pear Fair in Courtland, California: 5
Amount Twitter lost in the second quarter, despite a 16.6% rise in the number of daily active users: –$270 million
Date on which Maine confirmed its first case of monkeypox: 7/22/22
Percent of the world’s wheat produced by Russia and Ukraine: 30%
Percent chance that a deal has been struck to allow Ukraine to export its grain unfettered (so they say) by Russia to help alleviate the global food shortage: 100%
Number of people in China affected by heat wave warnings, equaling 64% of the country: 900 million
Puppy Pic of the Day: Coming home from the licker store…
JEERS to the—Aaaaagh!!!—uncertainty. Are we going to have a recession? Are we going to have two recessions? Are we going to have no recession? Will it be deep? Will it be shallow? I DON’T KNOW!!! Questions need answers, and that’s why I always turn to The Media. They’ll help me make sense out of all this economic ping-ponging. Let’s check the online headlines for the definitive answer:
» Expect two recessions (Barron’s)
» 40% chance of recession (Reuters)
» 70% of Americans think a recession is coming (CNBC)
» Mass confusion impedes fed’s attempts to prevent recession (Politico)
» CEOs split over likelihood of a recession (NPR)
» Recession may not come after all, economists say (ABC News)
» Recession worries grow among credit investors (The Wall Street Journal)
» Yellen downplays recession risk (AP)
» What recession? America‘s banks reveal few signs of troubles (CNN)
» A weird economy that may (or may not) become a recession (Axios)
There you go. Whew. Thanks for clearing that up. Especially you, Axios.
JEERS to medical conundrums. I don’t understand it—I really don’t. President Biden contracts Covid-19, right? Okay, here me out: He doesn’t take Ivermectin. He doesn’t get bleach injections. He doesn’t shove a UV light up his tuchus. He doesn’t accept Jesus as his vaccine. He doesn’t drink aquarium water. He doesn’t guzzle hydroxychloroquine or pop colloidal silver pills. I just don’t get it. He didn’t do any of that stuff and he still got better. There can only be one possible reason. Pure luck, ladies and gentlemen. Dude got lucky. This time.
P.S. In related news, the coronavirus has caught a bad case of Joe Manchin. Thoughts and prayers.
CHEERS to climbing aboard this republic’s crazy train. On July 26, 1788, New York’s delegation ratified the U.S. Constitution in Poughkeepsie. But not before there was a brief conversation in the cloak room:
Delegate 1: Are you sure that we should not insist upon inclusion of some kind of balanced budget amendment in here? For the sake of our union and in the spirit of shared sacrifice, so that nothing is left on or off the table and we may all partake in the bounty of such a grand bargain?
Delegate 2: What, are you nuts? That’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard. No one will ever be so stupid as to try and put that insanity into the Constitution! Whoever makes the attempt is dumb. Dumb, I tell you. Dumb, dumbeth and dumber!
Delegate 1: So, uh, would this be a bad time, then, to bring up amendments banning flag-burning and gay marriage?
Delegate 2: Lay off the grog, kid. You’re startin’ to weird me out.
After ratification they celebrated by overturning a bunch of carriages in Jersey.
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
CHEERS to compassionate conservatism. Thirty-two years ago, President George H.W. Bush signed the Americans with Disabilities Act. He was a passionate believer in it. He didn’t want anything to stand between his son and the White House.
CHEERS to sending a subtle hint. In the strongest sign yet that our aquatic friends are stepping up their efforts to fight the primary cause of climate change and ocean acidification, a 100-pound sailfish stabbed a human off the coast of Florida, and a giant humpback whale tried to take out a whole nest of humans by nearly sinking their boat off the coast of Massachusetts. All the humans survived. Better luck next time, my gilled friends.
Ten years ago in C&J: July 26, 2012
CHEERS to pulling strings for equality. This boycott against the anti-gay Chik-fil-A fast food chain is getting bizarre. On one side you’ve got the gays and the Muppets, and on the other side you’ve got the bigots and the sock puppets. For what it’s worth, my money’s on the side that has the pig with the purse and the black belt in karate.
And just one more…
CHEERS to extreme Dilleyness. Here at C&J we’re fond of making mental notes to revisit right-wing predictions and check under the hood for signs of true prescience. This one from 2012 ripened two years ago and was totally, horribly wrong. But I’m a patient fact-checker, so I’m willing to revisit this beyond its sell-by date, just in case he was off by a year or two. The writer, a “meteorology researcher” named David Dilley, made a bold prediction ten years ago via a letter to Maine‘s largest newspaper The Portland Press Herald. And here it is:
Several researchers such as myself (Global Weather Oscillations Inc.) are predicting a natural and very dramatic global cooling to begin within the next eight years. Are the governments of the world prepared for this event, or merely stuck in the political agenda mud?
It turns out that Dilley—or, if you prefer, “Mr. Mud”—is on global warming-denier Sen. James Inhofe’s list of climate “experts.” I can virtually guarantee you they didn’t think anyone would remember to check up on the above outrageous prediction. Then again, I can also guarantee you they had no idea they were dealing with world-famous Fact Checker Billeh, who taped it to the fridge and saw it every damn day for eight years (and beyond). Had he been right, this is what Miami would look like today:
We’re sure Mr. Dilley regrets his ongoing epic failure as a “meteorology researcher,” and will feel much embarrassment as he informs his Republican partners that their massive investment in his Florida chain of Dilley’s Earmuffs and Snowshoes emporiums failed to pan out. Better luck next time, guys.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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